By Bonny Blake
To resolve any problem, the initial step is to understand and acknowledge that the problem exists. This is true in a dating relationship or a marriage. This first step may probably be the most difficult to take because it can be perceived as failing in the relationship and not at all consistent with our fairytale view of ‘happily ever after.’
The first action to changing your relationship is to stop sweating the small stuff. Lovers that argue about every minute detail of a disagreement are most likely steering clear of the large issues. These are the issues that come up time upon time and never get fixed.
Are you constantly staying at work too late? Can your partner be experiencing feelings of neglect? Is your love life maybe not what you would like or need? Do you or your spouse feel unhappy about your life together? Do you and your partner avoid talking? Do you find it necessary to be right all the time? If these things are coming up in your relationship they are really just symptoms of the real problems
As an example, if you are constantly bickering about your husband coming home late from work, the real issue might be an imbalance in the work life and the home life. This is something you can assist him with. If the argument is that your wife is a grump and a grouch all the time, the underlying reason could be that she just does not feel important in the relationship. You can help her overcome that.
By understanding the true dilemmas behind the reasons you’ll be better prepared to come up with mutually beneficial solutions that will begin to transform your relationship.
The second key to improving your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. If you truly believe that a good marriage must be like a story book you will turn out to be unhappy. Even the outwardly perfect lovers have their issues. The key is, they figure out how to work them out. Couples in a good marriage sit down and examine their differences , before they get out of control.
Take and embrace the truth that you and your partner are not perfect. Forget about your defenses. When you acknowledge your flaws you present your inner self to your spouse. Opening yourself also opens doors in the marriage and allows for new ways of healing and fixing the problems. Acknowledging that you make mistakes and owning that might help you both find different ways of doing things.
The next key to transforming your relationship is to accept the fact that men and women are very different and both play a critical role in the relationship. Different views and opinions aren’t wrong views and opinions. Each individual brings a distinctive view point to the union and together will find a happy medium.
The most important point is that to improve your marriage you must always work to strengthen yourself. You do this by emphasizing the big picture, identifying underlying dilemmas fueling the fights, quit trying to always be right, and appreciate your spouse’s view and value to the relationship.
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