By Laura Hope Hinze
Michelle was in the habit of ending each conversation with a quick, “love you.”. Her husband, Nick, never got a warm feeling from her words. “It doesn’t mean anything” he complained to mutual friends. “We have been married for eight years and it feels like a habit. The words feel empty.” We all want an exciting love life but the reality is that good relationships take work. Yes, daily life can be tiring and sometimes all you want to do it collapse on the couch.Good relationships are worth the effort and time. Take some action and show your partner how you really feel.
We have all been there, caught up in a daily routine. Take the time to really see your partner, look at them.It seems so obvious, but take some time at the end of the day to really look at your partner. Try to see them with fresh eyes. Choose a quality you like in your spouse and than share that compliment with your partner. Sometimes breathing new life in your relationship is as simple as really appreciating what you have. Share what you appreciate with your spouse. A real compliment can be treasured for years to come.
If you are not vocal, than use little gestures to show your partner what they mean to you. You could also hire a sky-writing plane and leave messages for you partner in the sky, but it is the small acts that add up in life.These little acts don’t take much time and effort but their effect can be large. Small things show your partner that you really care and that you are aware of their value.
As an example, one husband I know gives his wife a hand massage at the end of the day while they watch TV together. Another woman finds her husband’s favorite brand of gummy bears. She puts them out for her husband on the weekends. Think about how you might enhance your partner’s life. What little surprise might thrill them?
This gesture doesn’t have to be something you buy. I’m not talking about cruise tickets. You might get them a glass of water at night before they pour it themselves. Maybe you could leave the butter out so it softens for their toast.Think about their daily chores. Where might you help them out or make their life easier? You could make them coffee, clear their car of snow or put some towels on a heater for them. Even holding a door open for someone else is a thoughtful gesture. Your relationship is worth the small extra effort. The truth is that we all have work we have to get done and the world will keep turning. The point is that small acts can keep your relationship alive and healthy.
Another great idea you could use is writing notes to your partner. Texting or emailing messages is an easy way to communicate. Writing out a note by hand takes extra time and effort, something different these days. Finding a surprise note from your partner in a jacket pocket is pretty special. It doesn’t have to be long, just a sentence or two expressing how much you value the person or a sincere compliment is enough to turn someone’s day around.
It should go without saying, but don’t forget to touch your partner. Sometimes body language can tell us the most about how someone really feels. When your partner comes home give them a hug and a kiss to welcome them back.Spontaneously take your partner’s hand or put your arm around their waist. Personal contact is important for every relationship. Make sure your partner understands through your body language that they are valued.
Make your that your see everything your partner is doing for you as well. Make sure to express your thanks for any small kind acts they have been doing. Do they prepare your favorite meal? Do they put out your favorite snack? Once you start the habit of doing small things for your partner, then they want to return the favor.
If your marriage has gone months or even years in a stalled routine, then you need to start to change. We all know that change is hard. If you keep the gestures small, then they are doable a few times a week. It is small changes that will get your relationship moving in a different direction.